In the great facebook wars - the challenge has been set to write "25 things" about oneself. Insights into the pysche of self. Now I've given it a go, but I still think the 100 things I did earlier in the blog is much better, but I felt it had earnt a posting here.
1. My response to "what starsign are you?" or "How old are you?" is almost invariably "take a guess before I tell you."
2. For many years people described my sense of humour as "dry." I had no idea what this actually meant until many years after I first heard it. In fact, I only looked it up in 2008 when someone said I had a similar sense of humour to TV's favourite serial killer, Dexter
3. Whereas my main reason for buying property was to be able to keep a dog, the prompt that actually made me step over the line was the transgender prostitute who lived beneath my previous residence who, having decided that I clearly hated her, started to bang on her ceiling (my floor) to defend her territory.
4. I have a love of language and words. This is all founded in my love off and understanding of "systems" I think that the benchmark of having mastered a new language is being able to create and understand humour.
5. Bathtubs serve no purpose in my life other than to provide something to clean on a regular basis. I want to rip my bathtub out and put in a shower that makes me go "ahhh."
6. I have fallen in love with a person the instant I met them twice in my life - one I was fortunate enough to enjoy those feelings with, sadly the other, is not to be.
7. I yell at the TV and radio, mostly at "journalists" who elect to use stupid phrases and evoke emotions without any merit.
8. North America is a continent I have never set foot on, unless you count a few hours at Anchorage airport. (Clearly I don't.) I'd like to fix that at some stage - but I need a good reason to actually make it happen.
9. I consider myself British rather than English. I see a difference between the two, buy me a drink and ask me to explain it.
10. My dreams are always a collection of things that have been happening in my life of late merged into one dream. They have no other meaning than a review of different façets of my life over the last few days.
11. Despite growing up with a mother who was "huggy", my sister and I have both grown up not enjoying physical contact with others. It took me many years to enjoy a massage and I will now only go to that person for one.
12. I can't talk about her or think about her without fighting back tears. I have the collar she arrived with.
13. I never signed the certificate they gave me when I completed my first lot of chemotherapy. Everytime I tried to sign it, I couldn't bring myself to do it. The second lot felt like the battle was over.
14. Bridges have always made me feel uneasy - every time I crossed the Harbour Bridge during my years in Sydney, I prepared for the accident that would see my slow and painful death. Bridges in general will create a similar feeling whether I'm going over them, or under them.
15. I describe myself as "pragmatic." To some this is almost to a fault but.. they're welcome to a mile in my shoes.
16. I will not sign up for anything at the door, on the telephone or on the street. I've mastered the "closure" of their spiel.
17. I do not cry in public.
18. Things that serve multiple purposes and/or multiple environments attract my attention. My watch I chose because it charges by motion and therefore never needs a battery. My home phone benefits but does not rely on electricity.
19. I've come close to "liberating" a guide dog I thought was being forced to work for a grumpy woman.
20. Southern US accents do good things for me, very good things.
21. After over two years in Melbourne, the sight of a tram still gives me a little thrill.
22. My secret S Club 7 obsession was revealed at my most recent work christmas party.
23. When I'm upset I feel the need to judge the world, sites such as hotornot are a valuable tool for that.
24. My friend and I have developed a rating system for attractiveness that involves whether or not money would have to change hands, and in which direction.
25. I have a deep seated love of corn chips - there are times I would sell my soul for them - if I believed I had a soul.
There. go, be free.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Dear Readers
I was raised in a particular way, a very British way. There aren't all that many people who could (or perhaps even would) be able to define that, that have the ability to see the division between "British" and "English." Australians, it should be noted in a overgeneralised sense, have no concept of what being British entails. British people recognised class and the structure that brought to society, we united under a reigning Monarch and our national anthem changed to reflect the gender of the Monarch at the time.
British people are also terribly apologetic about a great number of things - and at this point I want to note that not everything a Briton apologises for he or she feels at fault over. If we gave you the wrong amount of change, we would apologise. If we had run out of newspapers and couldn't sell you The Times upon request, the apologies would make even the most unsympathetic customer blush. Had the customer also been British, there would be an apology for asking for a newspaper when the owner had sold their last copy prior hence causing some degree of shame and effusive apologies.
Once, at an airport, someone rammed me from behind with their shoulder; not enough to label it a "shoulder charge" but a definite collision of two people. I turned and I said I was sorry. Fellow traveller kept going and in a fit of disgust I said (more loudly than I would normally dare) "but it appears I am the only one who is."
Over the last, let us say "year", there has been a gentleman who has been in and out of my life. We started to, dare I say, date. This was short-lived and the termination was his idea based on my not fitting quite into his concept of a relationship. More specifically (and if you want to keep an air of mystery around me, do skip to the next bit without delay) the issue of sex before breakfast. I was against, and he was very much for. This issue led to a conversation about differing sex drives and after that phone conversation the budding "relationship" was over.
A cat-and-mouse game has been played out over the course of the "year" and I was no doubt in a bad mood when I met A for breakfast. Mood was not appeased by his apparent lack of interest in active listening and attempting to understand where I might be coming from on any issue that chose to raise its head.
Most recently emailing very facebook has been the medium for discussing the possibility of restarting the "relationship" with him acknowledging some hastiness on his part ending attempt one. A, is a nice person, I stand by that - not without fault, but I have nothing nasty to say about his character. When confronted with an email suggesting he felt he was being held at arms-length by myself, I responded with the email that took the blame for that, and I did indeed use the line "a lot of things on my mind." My fingers ached to type "it's not me, it's you." Space of time was given for "thinking" about these things and when I felt I could put it off no longer i sent an email saying that despite my desperate desire to be the bigger person and forget how quickly I was dumped originally I just couldn't and wasn't I a terrible person for not being able to recover from that and that it caused me an amount of sorry. To the world in general, this blog and it's reader I would like to announce - "it's not me, it's A" I honestly feel completely justified in saying "No, no thank you." to him. I do have a certificate of citizenship - maybe I could actually have said, "P**s off mate, I think you're a f***w*d."
I have fears that A is mentioning my name to people in a less than favourable light - that would be disappointing.
British people are also terribly apologetic about a great number of things - and at this point I want to note that not everything a Briton apologises for he or she feels at fault over. If we gave you the wrong amount of change, we would apologise. If we had run out of newspapers and couldn't sell you The Times upon request, the apologies would make even the most unsympathetic customer blush. Had the customer also been British, there would be an apology for asking for a newspaper when the owner had sold their last copy prior hence causing some degree of shame and effusive apologies.
Once, at an airport, someone rammed me from behind with their shoulder; not enough to label it a "shoulder charge" but a definite collision of two people. I turned and I said I was sorry. Fellow traveller kept going and in a fit of disgust I said (more loudly than I would normally dare) "but it appears I am the only one who is."
Over the last, let us say "year", there has been a gentleman who has been in and out of my life. We started to, dare I say, date. This was short-lived and the termination was his idea based on my not fitting quite into his concept of a relationship. More specifically (and if you want to keep an air of mystery around me, do skip to the next bit without delay) the issue of sex before breakfast. I was against, and he was very much for. This issue led to a conversation about differing sex drives and after that phone conversation the budding "relationship" was over.
A cat-and-mouse game has been played out over the course of the "year" and I was no doubt in a bad mood when I met A for breakfast. Mood was not appeased by his apparent lack of interest in active listening and attempting to understand where I might be coming from on any issue that chose to raise its head.
Most recently emailing very facebook has been the medium for discussing the possibility of restarting the "relationship" with him acknowledging some hastiness on his part ending attempt one. A, is a nice person, I stand by that - not without fault, but I have nothing nasty to say about his character. When confronted with an email suggesting he felt he was being held at arms-length by myself, I responded with the email that took the blame for that, and I did indeed use the line "a lot of things on my mind." My fingers ached to type "it's not me, it's you." Space of time was given for "thinking" about these things and when I felt I could put it off no longer i sent an email saying that despite my desperate desire to be the bigger person and forget how quickly I was dumped originally I just couldn't and wasn't I a terrible person for not being able to recover from that and that it caused me an amount of sorry. To the world in general, this blog and it's reader I would like to announce - "it's not me, it's A" I honestly feel completely justified in saying "No, no thank you." to him. I do have a certificate of citizenship - maybe I could actually have said, "P**s off mate, I think you're a f***w*d."
I have fears that A is mentioning my name to people in a less than favourable light - that would be disappointing.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
The one with the oddness
I've often struggled to find a connection to a community - a group of people that I feel completely at ease among. I treasure my friends who "get" me, who are on the same wavelength. That nagging self-doubt I have inside of me wonders if I'm not just some form of freak show entertainment for them, designed to give them a laugh before they move along and go back to their "normal" lives.
The only group of people I know I can feel that level of comfort with is my mother's family. As a general rule, they're a bright bunch with an evil sense of humour.
Tonight I'm taking the blame for my interactions with a particular individual. Errors in judgement have been made on both sides, there is no immunity for me. In the most recent communications I have taken the position of "it's not you, it's me" and that has been readily taken on board and from incoming communications, "it's not him, it's me." Cheers for that buddy, I'm sure if you give yourself that exemption from any fault you'll have a long and happy life.
I'm also feeling a significant amount of emotional pain, none 0f which belongs to me but is all based on frustration about not being able to help my sister in a process that no-one can control.
Where to from here? As usual, I have no idea... but I may well be on the run down to actualy bidding at an auction.
The only group of people I know I can feel that level of comfort with is my mother's family. As a general rule, they're a bright bunch with an evil sense of humour.
Tonight I'm taking the blame for my interactions with a particular individual. Errors in judgement have been made on both sides, there is no immunity for me. In the most recent communications I have taken the position of "it's not you, it's me" and that has been readily taken on board and from incoming communications, "it's not him, it's me." Cheers for that buddy, I'm sure if you give yourself that exemption from any fault you'll have a long and happy life.
I'm also feeling a significant amount of emotional pain, none 0f which belongs to me but is all based on frustration about not being able to help my sister in a process that no-one can control.
Where to from here? As usual, I have no idea... but I may well be on the run down to actualy bidding at an auction.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Occupational Hazards
Tonight I thought about just what it is about small talk that, well, not that I *can't* do, but more that I just won't partake in. Tonight I wondered whether in fact talking to people about death and dying, whether treating people and thinking "they won't see Christmas" makes me appreciate silence and simplicity outside of the work place.
Also tonight - and it should be noted that this was while walking home from the pub after a substantial amount of vodka (which is still in my system I'll admit) I thought about my life and how the defining moments of my life, the events that I suggest have had the biggest impact on who I am, have all been quite negative. I'm not going to go into them here and now, I'm not sober enough for that, but only for the fact that I must be a natural born optimist have I reached the age I have and believe that I have self-actualised for a second time. It should also be noted, both times I've thought I have self-actualised, I have been single. Excuse me, Whitney is at the door.
Also tonight - and it should be noted that this was while walking home from the pub after a substantial amount of vodka (which is still in my system I'll admit) I thought about my life and how the defining moments of my life, the events that I suggest have had the biggest impact on who I am, have all been quite negative. I'm not going to go into them here and now, I'm not sober enough for that, but only for the fact that I must be a natural born optimist have I reached the age I have and believe that I have self-actualised for a second time. It should also be noted, both times I've thought I have self-actualised, I have been single. Excuse me, Whitney is at the door.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
If I tried to work out what percentage of me is gay - I might struggle. Sexually, I'm a gay man, when it comes to sexual activity, give me a man (or men) or give me nothing. However, it should be noted that I don't actively participate in events of the gay community. Mardi Gras doesn't interest me, neither does the idea of camping outside some regional town in Victoria to surround myself with the Gay and Lesbian Community. During the week that was, I ran into an attractive man who lives in the building next door to mine, on the topic of his work, his first comment was that his boss was gay and that made him a lot calmer. My boss has the same title as myself in essence, the same training and similar experiences. We respect each other as people. I don't know what my boss gets up to in the sack, the question has never been raised.
There is a cafe up the road that has a predominantly gay customer base. On a regular basis I do go there. It's a great place to watch people (mostly gay people) and the waiters are very attentive. I'm a flirt, I admit that.
There is a cafe up the road that has a predominantly gay customer base. On a regular basis I do go there. It's a great place to watch people (mostly gay people) and the waiters are very attentive. I'm a flirt, I admit that.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Head Space January 2008
For those interested in taking a tour of my mindspace at the moment.. here's the deal.
I'm doing just fine.. I like who I am, I'm very comfortable with that. and I like who I see when I look in the mirror.
Work - is good, they still drive me mental sometimes and I still am at odds with their "logic." Yesterday I attended a staff meeting that I rated a "double eye gouger." I can generate very little interest in problems that are generated because we've purchased from multiple vendors.
Air Force Guy has been replaced with.. well.. Air Force Guy.. but with a signifcant improvement in kms (you know Air Force Guy will always hold a special place in my esteem/thoughts.)
Tonight I'll be doing the trawl of realestate.com.au and searching for places around here to buy - with the usual requirements, do I think I can keep a dog there.
Gym work is going well.. it's fat friday but I'm starting to see the two top abs so I'm happy with the forward momentum.
Society in general? well. I don't like where it's going - people are having "anger reactions" earlier in the process. They seem to believe that an anger reaction will achieve their desired result much faster than any other method (and they might be right but I maintain it isn't needed.) There is a focus on self and not the fellow "man."
Sitting here writing I've had a sudden thought that perhaps *this* is the purpose of organised religion. Mind control as such but preaching that second greatest commandment. (no, not going to give that one to you, do some research and find out for yourself.)
Enjoy life people, and be kind to your comrades.
I'm doing just fine.. I like who I am, I'm very comfortable with that. and I like who I see when I look in the mirror.
Work - is good, they still drive me mental sometimes and I still am at odds with their "logic." Yesterday I attended a staff meeting that I rated a "double eye gouger." I can generate very little interest in problems that are generated because we've purchased from multiple vendors.
Air Force Guy has been replaced with.. well.. Air Force Guy.. but with a signifcant improvement in kms (you know Air Force Guy will always hold a special place in my esteem/thoughts.)
Tonight I'll be doing the trawl of realestate.com.au and searching for places around here to buy - with the usual requirements, do I think I can keep a dog there.
Gym work is going well.. it's fat friday but I'm starting to see the two top abs so I'm happy with the forward momentum.
Society in general? well. I don't like where it's going - people are having "anger reactions" earlier in the process. They seem to believe that an anger reaction will achieve their desired result much faster than any other method (and they might be right but I maintain it isn't needed.) There is a focus on self and not the fellow "man."
Sitting here writing I've had a sudden thought that perhaps *this* is the purpose of organised religion. Mind control as such but preaching that second greatest commandment. (no, not going to give that one to you, do some research and find out for yourself.)
Enjoy life people, and be kind to your comrades.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Random stuff going around in my head
"This lesbian bar has no fire escapes! Enjoy your death trap, Ladies!" - Homer J Simpson
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Je suis anglais
Je suis anglais, et quand les Brittaniques ont d'ennui, nous nous calmon avec beaucoup de thé.
Polly, put the kettle on.
Polly, put the kettle on.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The One with the Deflated Ego
I wandered into a clothing store that I have spent rather a lot of money in since I moved to Melbourne. Normally there is a very attentive guy there who is very keen to try a number of outfits on me like his personal Barbie Doll.
Today was a sales girl I haven't met before, and from the dressing down she was receiving from her boss. During the fitting process she told me that their store effectively sets out to dress anorexic males and jockeys. I wasn't sure I really fit into either of those categories, I didn't really take much notice of it though, I'm not youre 6 foot plus security guard type. Her next comment was the one that really skewered me through the ego "guys who work out just don't fit into our clothes."
I like my shape when I look in the mirror, I work out.. but I still fit their clothes..
Today was a sales girl I haven't met before, and from the dressing down she was receiving from her boss. During the fitting process she told me that their store effectively sets out to dress anorexic males and jockeys. I wasn't sure I really fit into either of those categories, I didn't really take much notice of it though, I'm not youre 6 foot plus security guard type. Her next comment was the one that really skewered me through the ego "guys who work out just don't fit into our clothes."
I like my shape when I look in the mirror, I work out.. but I still fit their clothes..
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