I've often struggled to find a connection to a community - a group of people that I feel completely at ease among. I treasure my friends who "get" me, who are on the same wavelength. That nagging self-doubt I have inside of me wonders if I'm not just some form of freak show entertainment for them, designed to give them a laugh before they move along and go back to their "normal" lives.
The only group of people I know I can feel that level of comfort with is my mother's family. As a general rule, they're a bright bunch with an evil sense of humour.
Tonight I'm taking the blame for my interactions with a particular individual. Errors in judgement have been made on both sides, there is no immunity for me. In the most recent communications I have taken the position of "it's not you, it's me" and that has been readily taken on board and from incoming communications, "it's not him, it's me." Cheers for that buddy, I'm sure if you give yourself that exemption from any fault you'll have a long and happy life.
I'm also feeling a significant amount of emotional pain, none 0f which belongs to me but is all based on frustration about not being able to help my sister in a process that no-one can control.
Where to from here? As usual, I have no idea... but I may well be on the run down to actualy bidding at an auction.
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